We all can learn from the Ressurection..."

Jesus Christ is Risen!!!!  Boy, am I glad that this Lent is over with.  It has been a difficult time because in my penitential observes, I gave up the Internet, mass media and all types of meat.  The Internet although hard at first, led me to realize that I , myself , am too dependent on it. I learned that I could just call someone if I needed to know or communicate something , or even text them and get an immediate response. Although, I was not aware who won the Oscars, or who is on Dancing with the Stars, or even following American Idol, I still survived. When it was raining I knew to carry an umbrella, and if windy a wind breaker jacket.  I appreciated the ability of reading a book, and using my imagination to bring me into a pious person's life or carry myself to imaginary places. I continued to be reminded that to be a 'man', I had to let go and not try to control my life as much.  I was happier, because I was not watching the news, I did not worry if we were heading to another war, or if the economy was better or not.  I especially did not miss hearing about the politics and presidential races.

When it came to food, I had a difficult time.  I could not believe how much meat is in our everyday life.  Any time you go out, there is meat in all of our usual eating options.  Although, I was able to stay away from it, I realized that I substituted a lot more sweets  and carbohydrates for the lack of protein.  I learned that in myself, I have to be moderate in all things or else I can go overboard; even if I am doing a good thing.

When I try to control my life, I see at times how out of control my life is.  I tried battling my demons this lent, and although I am happy to say that some I battled and controlled,unfortunately. I realized how controlled I was by others.  I came to realize  that I am a food addict. Sweets, carbohydrates, all things that are bad for me, I have no control over.  So, I, now realizing this;can ,with the help of the Risen Savior conquer this too.  I have asked my friends and family to help me with this.  Do not offer me anything, even if you think it is healthy, that might tempt me and lead me astray.  As an alcoholic can not enter a bar, I now know that I can not enter a candy store.

This is not meant to be a depressing admission.  It is a liberating fact, when you know your weakness, accept it, that is when God can use you to make you a strong warrior. I am now, once again , armed and ready for battle. As I prayed this week, I thought of what if Jesus in His weakness had said no to the cross; we would be in a real pickle right now. So I say , yes to God and no to all that leads me away from His Will.

You know the Monday after the Resurrection must have been a real bad day for the devil.  After boosting for days on how he had won, he had to face his defeat.  I have heard it said that it is like a April Fool's Day for the devil, the joke and defeat are on him.

Celebrate this beautiful time with family , laughter and love.

Happy Easter!!!!!

Here we are, entering 2012...is it the beginning of the end?

This morning after quietly welcoming 2012, I went for a walk as I awaited the new dawn of the year, and then impatiently waited for the first sunrise of 2012.  I have been doing this since 2000 and so this was the 13th time that I awoke early and headed to the beach or to a field( where ever I am) to see the first dawn of the year. This year, again, it was spectacular. What a great way to contemplate the accomplishments and failures of the past year as I speedily walk for 4 to 6 miles.  I take time to see where I have accomplished my goals and where I might have fallen short.  This past year, 2011, was a great year.  I had growth in my personal life taking some great trips, in particular as I walked the last 97 miles of the way in Spain of St James.  Spiritually I grew also.  I realized that with God all things are possible as I helped plan and guide an Emmaus retreat in my parish. I came to be more understanding and compassionate to other's plight. In my training I lost a lot of weight, put some of it back, but I completed a full marathon and several half marathons, and even completed my first sprint duathlon.Professionally I kept my job , and am relatively happy at it. What failings did I face?  All dealt with times when I thought I could do it on my own.  When I forgot that I was a creature and thought of myself more a creator.  When I shied away from my total dependence on God.

So what to expect in 2012? What goals or even resolutions have I laid out? They are relatively simple.  I want to be a more patient person. I want to be a more giving person. I want to live my vocation in life to the best of my abilities. I will explore how to train and become a spiritual director or adviser. I will lose the weight that I have put back on, how am I going to do it?  To finally admit that I have an addiction to food, and treat it as that and work with that fact. I have once again joined the 100 day challenge, through John Bingham's Facebook page, and have comitted to being at least 30 minutes physically active for 100 consecutive days, and possibly continue from there to an even longer period. I will train, but not as rigid a schedule as I have done in the past.  I will enjoy the process instead of just looking at the end result.  I want to do the New York Marathon. I will perfect my swimming and become better at completing triathlons not just duathlons.I will improve my relationship with my God and in the process improve my other relationships in my life.I will laugh more and stress less.

I am committed to this this year.  I would hope that others as they read this will also committed to strive to better themselves this year.  If you need an accountability partner or someone to support you, let me know. I wish the best life has got to offer.  This year don't let the hype of the world coming to an end distract you. Live your life as if it really is, enjoy it, and live it the fullest.  If it does end then you will have no regrets. And as I am sure it will not end as predicted then you can awake and see the first sunrise of 2013 contemplating your successes and all the adventures that you lived in 2012.

Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

He is born, even to me.....

I know that it has been a long time since I wrote, not that I had nothing to say; but just that I needed to find exactly how to say it. As I prepared for Christmas, as I went through Advent, I kept thinking that this Christmas I wanted it to be different.  First, I decided it was not going to be a commercial event like I have done in other years. How to scale down in my gift giving without my family and friends thinking that I was just cheap.
I, also, wanted it to be different in my heart.  To allow Jesus, the babe of Bethlehem, to be manifested in a new and different way in my life. So I prayed. I prayed that I wanted to change.  You see if you have followed this blog at all, you might surmised that I have a lot of flaws.  So I prayed that I could get rid of all or at least some of these flaws by Christmas. I know God can do all things, even the impossible, so why not make me what I wanted to be, a better person one that would fall into sin less quickly and get out of it far more quickly.  I prayed and I prayed.  I knew that things could and would be different.
And then it happened. On December 23 as I knelt in prayer at St Gregory's, as I admired how beautiful the church looked for Christmas, as I contemplated our manger and saw the only thing missing was the Christ-child.  I heard the voice in my heart. 'Why do you continue to pray as you if you were flawed? Do you not remember that you are created in My image? I do not create anything that is flawed, you are exactly as I want you to be.'
Mind blowing, isn't it? I now understand that some of the things I wanted to get rid of, are the things that make me realized how dependant I truly am on God. I am no better then St Paul that prayed that the thorn on 'his side' might be taken away. My thorn or thorns are part of me. When I battle "my demons"( as society tends to call it now) I realize that through the power and grace of God I will win the battle.
I now realize that I don't necessarily need a physical, mental change; I just need to fight the battle and arm myself with the right spiritual change.
Yes, more is coming....The new year starts tomorrow so a new blog.

Happy New Year!!!

"Go into deeper waters..."

For those that have been following me for a while, you know that I have my ups and downs; my moments of total clarity of where I am suppose to be going and most of the time feeling that I am drifting without direction and possibly heading towards certain disaster.

Since my trip to Spain, I feel more focused and know that God is leading me, I just have to be obedient and follow. Well that is evident in all parts of my life, even the physical and that is the one that I have the most difficulty in accepting at times because that is where I am challenged the most.

Well you know I trained for a marathon and then several and a whole bunch of half marathons> I lost a substantial amount of weight and then gained some of it back. But I knew that I was on the right path. I have to digress though. Five years ago when I started training for the first marathon, I never thought I would consider myself a marathoner, but I am. Well just last year when some friends, Debbie and Terry, started doing triathlons, I thought how cool is that. But they are better trained, a lot younger and better risk takers than I am. I do have a mountain bike though, one that had sat with its tires deflated for the last 2 years in my entry way. I would think I will try riding my bike, see how it feels after so many years. Well about 3 or 4 weeks ago, I decided to put air in the tires and went out for a ride. It felt good, so what do I do ? I decide to look into a duathlon race. I find one on Labor Day weekend locally so I decide to train for it.

Well train for it the best I could without having any real direction. My only direction and certainty was that if God allowed me to sign up and start it He would get me through it. So I went out, rode my bike, several times and even rode the 10 miles I knew the race would be. I was tired, I could not take a step after getting off the bike. Well 2 weeks ago I signed up for the race. Last week I ran some during my training during the week with Nancy. Boy was I under trained.

Finally couple days before the race , I told a few people that I was doing it. Also a priest in his sermon talked about how Jesus always called his disciples to go into deeper waters, to drop their nets in places where they were not accustomed to fish and how the catch was bigger then they ever hoped for. One of my revelational moments, this was 'my going into the deep' moment. I had to trust and fully experienced it.

I woke up the morning of the race, sweating and fearful and as I rolled over in bed, I thouhgt if I had not told a few people that I was going to do this , I could easily stay in bed a few more hours. I did get dressed and went into uncharted territories, I had a bike, that I was not sure what to do with and a lot of unanswered questions and doubts. Just before I started Debbie and Terry spotted me in the crowd. Really they are good friends, but yesterday God used them as guideposts in this unchartered moment of my life. The race started and they encouraged me at the crutical times, at the begining and end of my first run. Through transition and several times during the part of the bicycle race. When I got off the bike after 10 miles and I thought I could not take another step, they were there yelling encouragements at me, I was 2/3 done with the race. As I continued one step in front of the other, I came to finally realize that yes all things are possible because God is the one providing my strength. I saw them at the end of the first loop in the 3 miles route and Debbie said it was official I would be a duathlete by the end of the race. I did finish it and as I looked at my numbers, I saw that I did really good considering it was my first one.

More importantl was that although I was really racing against myself, it was one of the best experiences that I have had. I got a couple comments of people telling me, wow you have a big smile on your face. Today when I saw the official race pictures, I saw that I did have a big smile on my face. Just goes to show you that all things are possible, you just have to trust and you really have to accept the help and encouragement of the people that God puts in your life.

I know I could have done the race with out Debbie and Terry being there or without the calls from Barbara or Nancy; but I am thankful that each of them played a part to get me to the finish line. Thanks, you all have a special place in my heart.

Oh by the way, that was not my last race, thanks guys.....

Procrastinator? Or maybe I just don't like change...

On the feast of Santiago, as I prayed I realized that there was no better day to release this blog then today. The picture I took on the beach, and as I pondered on it realized that sometimes we see God and the beauy in our lives as we go through the storms in our lives. So hang on and see the beauty in the storm.

At times in my life, I hesitate and don't jump into situations that, although good for me, require change in my life. Wow, that was a vague statement and not even one that made much sense. I could talk generalities here and confuse you and even myself or I could be specific and possibly scare you and specifically myself. I have decided to speak specifics.

In my trek through northern Spain, I felt that God was saying many things to me ,some I have shared, and some that I even now, hold in my heart and ponder their meaning. One of the things that I shared, at least I think I shared, was the feeling that I would return to Spain and live there and even live there long enough to die there. Mind you, not a morbid thought, just one that I felt deeply in my heart as I walked. So I came back and said ok many years from now , this will happen and I will go. As the weeks have passed, I keep thinking why is it that it should happen many years in the future. None of us are guaranteed a certain time here, so why not act like it is just to be in the future and not so far away. I have started to pray, to contemplate and to think about a move. A move to Spain, a move into the unknown. I am not going to take a blind leap, but I have started my investigation of all that it entails to make that move.

The funny part is that I am at peace with this decision. There are many unknowns still in the equation, many questions unanswered. But I feel that the message coming from God is, He will show me the way, He will provide the answers. Ok I may not be leaving right away, or it might be sooner that I expected. But I know that I have continued the path, the walk that I started in Spain. I am scared because I don't like change, I am excited because I know that I am not alone. You will be with me , in my thoughts in my prayers. If you thought the blogs have been interesting, just imagine when I start writing about my adventures in Spain. And by then they will be bilingual. Ok lets not get carried away. I have not started packing, I have just started to think about what I should throw away. It is funny even my mom out of the blue says, you know if I go to Spain, I might not want to come back....that would eliminate a big obstacle to the move. You know this blog is not done with, so to be continued......

Buen Camino.

Honesty.....really?

I know it has been a while since I wrote but, not that it is an excuse, life sometimes gets in the way. It has now been several months since my trip to Spain, but it still seems to be playing a part in my life and daily decisions that I make. One of the things that I wrote that I had learned or was trying to incorporate into my life was, that I wanted to be an honest man.

I was going to look back to see if I had written about in detail, but since I enjoy the story, and I feel that every time I think of it I get something out of it. I will retell it here. On the sixth or seventh day of our walk, we had reached like a fork on the path. To the left it was clearly marked, up ahead it was not as clear; but this group of kids we had been following were on that path. I stood there trying to decide, what to do, which way to go. As I am standing there, I see one of the adults that was with the kids coming towards us. He says to follow them , that this is a straighter path, that the one to the left curves and makes us cross the highway up ahead. So I thank him and start to walk with him towards the kids on this new path. We are walking and I find out he is one of their teachers. As we walk we keep seeing these fields of a planted crop on either sides of the path. I ask what it is, he tells me he has no idea. The kids are giving me their thoughts on what it could be. So I say in my sarcastic tone, what type of a teacher are you? You don't know what your national crop is? I tell him , if you came to America and you were walking with me,even if I didn't know exactly what it was I would make something up. I would tell you what it was even if I didn't know for sure. His response, I consider myself An Honest Man.

Just think I my ego deflated at that moment. As I still think of it, I justified my response,that Americans exaggerate or blatantly lie when not wanted to face the truth or when we don't want to hurt some one's feelings, a white lie, or if we don't want to face or ignorance on a specific subject. I labeled it Americans, but maybe it was me that was insecure or just a liar.

We parted ways that day and the next day we saw him, now dubbed the honest teacher, and his group of kids as they walked. We chatted and they said they would see us in Santiago. We kept on walking but that honesty issue stayed in the back of my mind. When we got to Santiago, we did see everyone, everyone except that honest teacher. On our last day there, we went to the pilgrim's Mass and I sat in the second row, well I see these teenagers being brought around the altar and I am thinking why can they get up close and here we are further back. The Mass starts and as the priests process in , one of them is the honest teacher. i was blown away, not only was he a honest man, he was a honest priest. I felt foolish with the comments I had made, but wanted to see him after Mass. I tracked him down , and of course he remembered me, the guy that had said all Americans were liars. I gave him the last rosary I had and told him that I would email him so I could send rosaries to the kids. We had exchanged emails, but I thought sure never talk to him again. I did write him weeks after and made the promise of the rosaries again. He now said that he was going to take a group of kids to the World Youth Day in Madrid where there would be an encounter with the Pope. He wanted 50 rosaries. I am happy to say that rosaries were made and delivered to his parish in Spain.

At least this once I was honest, I did keep my word. So if in your dealings with me I might say something upsets you or might seem off, please excuse me my filters are still not completely in place, I might try to be more honest, but still don't know when to just keep my mouth shut.The pictures are of the priest and his group that will travel to see the Pope. And yes I am also trying to be an honest man.

Peace, and Buen Camino.

STOP(or at least slow down) and smell the roses..

I can not believe it,it has been 2 months since I started el camino in Spain. What I had planned, prayed and thought about for a whole year,is back in my personal history. Have I started to forget what I experienced, what I had learned during that very special time? I came home vowing to continue to live in the presence of God, seeking His Will in my life; but the realities of work, of the business of life started to in cringed and erode that peace within my being.

So now I take time to explore, to rethink , to rediscover what was special during that journey. First, I have to once again seek the quietness in my heart , to be able to listen to God whispering to me. Second, I have to recommit to actively searching for the good in every circumstance I am faced with. Third, I have to find the extraordinary in even the most ordinary things in my life.

I made the commitment to myself as I left Santiago that that was really the start of the true spiritual journey that I was on. And so I reaffirm that in my life today, as I walk through this part of my life I want to seek and feel the presence of God in my everyday life. I strive to my that honest man I spoke about and so I will continue to do the battle with the dragons in my life.

I am once,again, reminded that the adventure is only now starting , it is with great expectations that I stop or at least slow down and experience life to the fullest. Live in peace,live in joy. Buen camino, my fellow pelegrino.