"Go into deeper waters..."

For those that have been following me for a while, you know that I have my ups and downs; my moments of total clarity of where I am suppose to be going and most of the time feeling that I am drifting without direction and possibly heading towards certain disaster.

Since my trip to Spain, I feel more focused and know that God is leading me, I just have to be obedient and follow. Well that is evident in all parts of my life, even the physical and that is the one that I have the most difficulty in accepting at times because that is where I am challenged the most.

Well you know I trained for a marathon and then several and a whole bunch of half marathons> I lost a substantial amount of weight and then gained some of it back. But I knew that I was on the right path. I have to digress though. Five years ago when I started training for the first marathon, I never thought I would consider myself a marathoner, but I am. Well just last year when some friends, Debbie and Terry, started doing triathlons, I thought how cool is that. But they are better trained, a lot younger and better risk takers than I am. I do have a mountain bike though, one that had sat with its tires deflated for the last 2 years in my entry way. I would think I will try riding my bike, see how it feels after so many years. Well about 3 or 4 weeks ago, I decided to put air in the tires and went out for a ride. It felt good, so what do I do ? I decide to look into a duathlon race. I find one on Labor Day weekend locally so I decide to train for it.

Well train for it the best I could without having any real direction. My only direction and certainty was that if God allowed me to sign up and start it He would get me through it. So I went out, rode my bike, several times and even rode the 10 miles I knew the race would be. I was tired, I could not take a step after getting off the bike. Well 2 weeks ago I signed up for the race. Last week I ran some during my training during the week with Nancy. Boy was I under trained.

Finally couple days before the race , I told a few people that I was doing it. Also a priest in his sermon talked about how Jesus always called his disciples to go into deeper waters, to drop their nets in places where they were not accustomed to fish and how the catch was bigger then they ever hoped for. One of my revelational moments, this was 'my going into the deep' moment. I had to trust and fully experienced it.

I woke up the morning of the race, sweating and fearful and as I rolled over in bed, I thouhgt if I had not told a few people that I was going to do this , I could easily stay in bed a few more hours. I did get dressed and went into uncharted territories, I had a bike, that I was not sure what to do with and a lot of unanswered questions and doubts. Just before I started Debbie and Terry spotted me in the crowd. Really they are good friends, but yesterday God used them as guideposts in this unchartered moment of my life. The race started and they encouraged me at the crutical times, at the begining and end of my first run. Through transition and several times during the part of the bicycle race. When I got off the bike after 10 miles and I thought I could not take another step, they were there yelling encouragements at me, I was 2/3 done with the race. As I continued one step in front of the other, I came to finally realize that yes all things are possible because God is the one providing my strength. I saw them at the end of the first loop in the 3 miles route and Debbie said it was official I would be a duathlete by the end of the race. I did finish it and as I looked at my numbers, I saw that I did really good considering it was my first one.

More importantl was that although I was really racing against myself, it was one of the best experiences that I have had. I got a couple comments of people telling me, wow you have a big smile on your face. Today when I saw the official race pictures, I saw that I did have a big smile on my face. Just goes to show you that all things are possible, you just have to trust and you really have to accept the help and encouragement of the people that God puts in your life.

I know I could have done the race with out Debbie and Terry being there or without the calls from Barbara or Nancy; but I am thankful that each of them played a part to get me to the finish line. Thanks, you all have a special place in my heart.

Oh by the way, that was not my last race, thanks guys.....

Procrastinator? Or maybe I just don't like change...

On the feast of Santiago, as I prayed I realized that there was no better day to release this blog then today. The picture I took on the beach, and as I pondered on it realized that sometimes we see God and the beauy in our lives as we go through the storms in our lives. So hang on and see the beauty in the storm.

At times in my life, I hesitate and don't jump into situations that, although good for me, require change in my life. Wow, that was a vague statement and not even one that made much sense. I could talk generalities here and confuse you and even myself or I could be specific and possibly scare you and specifically myself. I have decided to speak specifics.

In my trek through northern Spain, I felt that God was saying many things to me ,some I have shared, and some that I even now, hold in my heart and ponder their meaning. One of the things that I shared, at least I think I shared, was the feeling that I would return to Spain and live there and even live there long enough to die there. Mind you, not a morbid thought, just one that I felt deeply in my heart as I walked. So I came back and said ok many years from now , this will happen and I will go. As the weeks have passed, I keep thinking why is it that it should happen many years in the future. None of us are guaranteed a certain time here, so why not act like it is just to be in the future and not so far away. I have started to pray, to contemplate and to think about a move. A move to Spain, a move into the unknown. I am not going to take a blind leap, but I have started my investigation of all that it entails to make that move.

The funny part is that I am at peace with this decision. There are many unknowns still in the equation, many questions unanswered. But I feel that the message coming from God is, He will show me the way, He will provide the answers. Ok I may not be leaving right away, or it might be sooner that I expected. But I know that I have continued the path, the walk that I started in Spain. I am scared because I don't like change, I am excited because I know that I am not alone. You will be with me , in my thoughts in my prayers. If you thought the blogs have been interesting, just imagine when I start writing about my adventures in Spain. And by then they will be bilingual. Ok lets not get carried away. I have not started packing, I have just started to think about what I should throw away. It is funny even my mom out of the blue says, you know if I go to Spain, I might not want to come back....that would eliminate a big obstacle to the move. You know this blog is not done with, so to be continued......

Buen Camino.

Honesty.....really?

I know it has been a while since I wrote but, not that it is an excuse, life sometimes gets in the way. It has now been several months since my trip to Spain, but it still seems to be playing a part in my life and daily decisions that I make. One of the things that I wrote that I had learned or was trying to incorporate into my life was, that I wanted to be an honest man.

I was going to look back to see if I had written about in detail, but since I enjoy the story, and I feel that every time I think of it I get something out of it. I will retell it here. On the sixth or seventh day of our walk, we had reached like a fork on the path. To the left it was clearly marked, up ahead it was not as clear; but this group of kids we had been following were on that path. I stood there trying to decide, what to do, which way to go. As I am standing there, I see one of the adults that was with the kids coming towards us. He says to follow them , that this is a straighter path, that the one to the left curves and makes us cross the highway up ahead. So I thank him and start to walk with him towards the kids on this new path. We are walking and I find out he is one of their teachers. As we walk we keep seeing these fields of a planted crop on either sides of the path. I ask what it is, he tells me he has no idea. The kids are giving me their thoughts on what it could be. So I say in my sarcastic tone, what type of a teacher are you? You don't know what your national crop is? I tell him , if you came to America and you were walking with me,even if I didn't know exactly what it was I would make something up. I would tell you what it was even if I didn't know for sure. His response, I consider myself An Honest Man.

Just think I my ego deflated at that moment. As I still think of it, I justified my response,that Americans exaggerate or blatantly lie when not wanted to face the truth or when we don't want to hurt some one's feelings, a white lie, or if we don't want to face or ignorance on a specific subject. I labeled it Americans, but maybe it was me that was insecure or just a liar.

We parted ways that day and the next day we saw him, now dubbed the honest teacher, and his group of kids as they walked. We chatted and they said they would see us in Santiago. We kept on walking but that honesty issue stayed in the back of my mind. When we got to Santiago, we did see everyone, everyone except that honest teacher. On our last day there, we went to the pilgrim's Mass and I sat in the second row, well I see these teenagers being brought around the altar and I am thinking why can they get up close and here we are further back. The Mass starts and as the priests process in , one of them is the honest teacher. i was blown away, not only was he a honest man, he was a honest priest. I felt foolish with the comments I had made, but wanted to see him after Mass. I tracked him down , and of course he remembered me, the guy that had said all Americans were liars. I gave him the last rosary I had and told him that I would email him so I could send rosaries to the kids. We had exchanged emails, but I thought sure never talk to him again. I did write him weeks after and made the promise of the rosaries again. He now said that he was going to take a group of kids to the World Youth Day in Madrid where there would be an encounter with the Pope. He wanted 50 rosaries. I am happy to say that rosaries were made and delivered to his parish in Spain.

At least this once I was honest, I did keep my word. So if in your dealings with me I might say something upsets you or might seem off, please excuse me my filters are still not completely in place, I might try to be more honest, but still don't know when to just keep my mouth shut.The pictures are of the priest and his group that will travel to see the Pope. And yes I am also trying to be an honest man.

Peace, and Buen Camino.

STOP(or at least slow down) and smell the roses..

I can not believe it,it has been 2 months since I started el camino in Spain. What I had planned, prayed and thought about for a whole year,is back in my personal history. Have I started to forget what I experienced, what I had learned during that very special time? I came home vowing to continue to live in the presence of God, seeking His Will in my life; but the realities of work, of the business of life started to in cringed and erode that peace within my being.

So now I take time to explore, to rethink , to rediscover what was special during that journey. First, I have to once again seek the quietness in my heart , to be able to listen to God whispering to me. Second, I have to recommit to actively searching for the good in every circumstance I am faced with. Third, I have to find the extraordinary in even the most ordinary things in my life.

I made the commitment to myself as I left Santiago that that was really the start of the true spiritual journey that I was on. And so I reaffirm that in my life today, as I walk through this part of my life I want to seek and feel the presence of God in my everyday life. I strive to my that honest man I spoke about and so I will continue to do the battle with the dragons in my life.

I am once,again, reminded that the adventure is only now starting , it is with great expectations that I stop or at least slow down and experience life to the fullest. Live in peace,live in joy. Buen camino, my fellow pelegrino.

Recap? Maybe it just the beginning....

It is almost 48 hours since I got back home, and approximately 72 hours since I finished el camino by entering the Cathedral in Santiago de Compostela. If I closed my eyes and open my heart I am still overwhelmed by the feeling I felt at that moment. That last day on the trail was a very emotional day. We walked approximately 19 km from our room to the city. We passed the airport where the fence that kept on us on the path was covered with thousands of crosses made out of sticks ,rods, whatever the pilgrims had carried or found on the ground. We walked on and started the second climb of the day as we entered the Monte de Gozo, called that because it is the first place on el camino where the pelegrino could look and see the steeples of the cathedral far off in the distance. Now there is a monument built there in honor of Blessed Pope John Paul the Great and St Francis of Assisi. I was in tears as I neared that pinnacle thinking of what great men had walked this path before me, and here I was in the same place.

As I started to go down , I saw some gypsies to the side of the path and so I went to see what they were selling. To make a short story of a long encounter they made me a leather bracelet on the spot and a wired pilgrim to take with me through out my future travels. As I bid them goodbye, one of them says you have some time? or are you in a rush. My better instinct told me tell him you are rushed but I said no, we are not in a rush. So he told me to follow another path off the main one, and that it would lead me to 2 iron pilgrims, as I looked to where they looked I would be able to see the steeples of the church. And so I climbed even further, and reached the spot. I felt like I was the first pelegrino to have still the far off church. I said a prayer of thanksgiving and place one of my hand made rosaries on the huge statutes fingers.

And then we started to climb down. I entered the city and felt lost. There were signs , the shell was still on the pavement at times, but humanity was quicly approaching . I had entered an university city where everyone was in a rush. Here I was a pelegrino, with my stick in hand feeling lost and vulnerable. But I had seen the steeple, I knew I was going in the correct general direction. As we got closer to the church we entered the old city and the souvenir shops assaulted our senses. But we continued, turned into smaller passages, and the saw the side of the cathedral. I was here, as I started to get closer I heard bagpipes, there was someone actually playing the bagpipes outside when we walked by, and then I turned into the main plaza.

There it was before me , bigger then life, it encompassed all of my visual field. It was gigantic, I climbed the steps and entered into the coolness of the main church. It was dark, and it felt cold, but I was here. I had made it. With the help of Barbara and countless others on the path. With all of your prayers, I was here. Tears streamed down my face, I went to the altar, I said a prayer. I climbed the steps behind the altar where I could give Santiago the customary hug. I remember closing my eyes as I laid my face on his mantle and felt the cold of the silver and the hardness of the stones; and all I could think was THANK YOU. I climbed down and then went to the place where his crypt is. I knelt and there I prayed for a long time. I prayed for each one of you as well as for all those intentions I had carried in my heart during the last 9 days , over the past year. I got up went to the Blessed Sacrament Chapel and said a prayer of thanksgiving. I was done as a pilgrim, I had become a tourist now. I did get my Compostela, that is the certificate the church issues when you have completed at least 100 km of el camino.

What lessons did I learn or relearn? First, that for me, God speaks to me in the silence of my heart. I have to shut up to be able to listen to Him. Second, that I have to listen to His Words so I can walk the correct path for my life. Third, that I want to be an honest man. Fourth, that there are guideposts to help us along the path, that we are not to go off the path or we are liable to get hurt or lost. Fifth, that el camino has shells or arrows to guide the pelegrino, but in my life God is even more inventive on how He guides me.Sixth, that there is nothing that I should be afraid of,and seventh that I am very much loved by God and those around me.

You know I am back home, but some say that El Camino really starts when you leave Santaigo. I will be on this new path the rest of my life. I know that I will be back to Spain, to el camino. And I hope that if you see me looking lost and disoriented you might just point me to the right path. As you might guess, my blogs form this trip are not really over yet. I have in my heart certain instances that I want to share with you and some of those lessons that I experienced. I wish you a buen camino because we are all in some journey and we all are seekers in this life.

Peace and Joy. Happy Easter.

It is like running a marathon...

You know whem you have trained for a marathon and you are getting to the end and you think yes,I can make it the training and effort was worth it. Well that is how is how I feel tonight. Like my friend,Barbara, says walking the camino might be like childbirth, after it is over you remember only the good parts. I can see what she means now because now, I only see the good.

Today was a relatively easy day. it was mostly level ground and the weather still cool.We traveled 18 km and it only took us about 6 hours. we got to the hotel early about 3:00 pm , so had time to wash some clothes, rest , and drink a couple of glasses of sidra from the tap.

Still I feel that the magic of el camino is not only in the quiet times where God can speak to your heart, but the people He places in your path. I have met some wonderful people, some crazier people the me, and some real characters that I have formed stories around like I usually do when I do ny training on the beach.

I have lots of stories, but the most important is the change in my heart. I miss you all, I hope to personally shared some of them with you. And I want you to know that as I give Santiago my hug tomorrow, your arms will be around him also, because I carry each of you in my heart.

Buen Camino.

Is it 'Groundhog Day' the movie?

It is the end of day 7 on El Camino and we are about 37 km away from Santiago, traveled about 20 km today. The weather started off cool and cloudy by the end of the day it was very sunny and warm. I had to strip down to my undershirt. I am not sure if it the weariness associated from the long walks but it seems I am a hamster in one of those exercise balls, no matter how far or how slow or fast i go it seems like I am just going in circles, or better yet up and then down and then up again. Today I kept thinking about the parable that Jesus said about the Pharisee and tax collector that both went to the temple to pray. And the Pharisee stood there and his prayer basically was how great he was and how thankful he was that he wasn't like the tax collector. The tax collector on the other hand just knelt face down saying be merciful to me a sinner. Well you know who left justified. For km after km today , i could only repeat Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, be merciful to me, a sinner. It was really revealed to me what a humbling experience it is to be at the total mercy of God. It has been an eye opening experience to see, once again, the greatness of God and the nothingness of man. Got a pamphlet at a church and it was called Do the camino, I open it and it says why look at your past failures? It can only lead to new temptations. God has forgiven you, leave the old man behind. Wild, right?

On a lighter note, the food is still fantastic and the people unbelievable. In the middle of no where today there was a stand with water, coffee, fruit, walnuts, jam cake and chestnuts. I grabhed the chestnuts. Also went to Mass at Arzua and there was an american,Julie, we had met her in Madrid the day we arrived. Also the Spanish guys I have talked about. We are all scheduled to arrive in Santiago on Wednesday. The priest at the Mass called all the pilgrims to the front at the end and gave us the special pilgrim's blessing. It was neat because we all knew each other. Well my friends , it almost midnight and tomorrow is another long day. Buen Camino.